Life according to Tin Cup

I turned 49 a few days ago.   Wow!  How quickly time goes by.   The older I get, the more I realize the importance of life and of the relationships in life.  This Age thing does make you wiser.  Like it or not, we learn from our past and that helps shape decisions about our future.  But it can also harden you if you aren't careful.   Interesting though how we adapt to our surroundings and to the seasons that God puts in front of us.   Now,  I find myself at a crossroads again in life.  Where do I go from here?  For Many of you, there are children, grandchildren,  careers and a home.   But for me, I have none of those things.   I find myself wondering what God has planned for me as I begin this last stage of my life. 
For those who know me, I am a huge golfer.  And as such, I have played many a round of golf.  My favorite round had to be at Old Head in southern Ireland.  It was an experience I will never forget.    I always seem to find myself comparing my life to a round of golf.  How many of you have gone out and had a bad front 9 only to shoot a great back 9 and salvage a good round.  Or had a great score going only to hit a ball out of bounds and take a double or triple bogey.   Well life can be like that.  I find that I am probably on the 12th hole of life (God willing).  And what an up and down round I have had so far.  I have made a number of birdies in this life only to have just completed back to back double bogeys.  (or worse)   I think that the key to this round is to how I respond and handle these last 6 holes of life.   Am I going to be a golfer who falls apart after a few bad holes or am I going to right the ship and finish strong.  For me, I hope that I can keep my eye on the present and focus on the future without getting caught up in the past.   Finish the round strong!    It has taken me a lot of rounds of golf to understand how to manage my game (and my life).  I used to be a lot like Roy McEvoy from Tin Cup.  I always went for the green in two.  I Loved the risk/reward for making a difficult shot.  But now  I have learned through trial and error the importance of making  prudent decisions.    Humility, along with some failures,  has a way of doing that.  And I believe I have learned from life not to do what Roy did on the 18th hole of the US Open in Tin Cup.  For those of you who don't remember, here is the dialogue.

Roy: My whole career, my whole life on the line...I just made a 12 on the last hole of the Open!

Molly: You sure did. It was the greatest 12 of all time. No one's going to remember the Open 10 years from now, who won...but they'll remember your 12! My, God, Roy, it was...Well, it's immortal! I am so proud of you!

Roy went down in a blaze.  He continued over and over again to try and hit a shot over the lake instead of laying up.   He let his ego get the best of him and he finished with a 12.   For me, I have already had my blaze of glory.  I went for it in two and I didn't make it.   But unlike Roy, I am laying up now.  I am ready to take my medicine and play it safe moving forward.  I am thankful to not only be able to make a par but for the opportunity God has given me to play the game.  And, while I didn't have an incredible round, I do know I had a memorable one.  And most importantly, I know that God is right beside me as i finish this round!

Sponsoring a Child in Need

Today, 2 people  I am connected with through Facebook sponsored a child.  Congratulations Rebecca and Morgan for stepping up and being a part of a child's life.   Both sponsorships were through Compassion International.  While I  sponsored my child through World Vision, both organizations are a great way to make a difference in a child's life.  In many instances, you will  make a difference not only in the life of the child but with the entire family.  Both of these wonderful organizations are Christian based which is very important to me personally as well.   

Johnny Arguello Santana

My child's name is Johnny Santana and he lives in Costa Rica.  He is currently 8 years old.  I was fortunate enough to have lived there for a period of time and so I am personally aware of the poverty that exists in this country.  While Costa Rica is in no way as desperate as Haiti or Africa, all of these third world countries are in need of our help and support.  Since I may travel back to Costa Rica from time to time, I chose to sponsor a child in a country that I am familiar with and one that increases my chances of actually meeting my child in person one day.   Also, I know that through World Vision, 89% of my $35 each month goes directly to helping my sponsored child and I love that so much of my money is going directly to help with programs and ministries.  I am honored and blessed to be a small part of this childs life.  I will not have any children of my own so this is really something that is near and dear to my heart.
Today, coincidentally,  I received in the mail some information to help Johnny celebrate his birthday by sponsoring a festive party and by giving him a personalized birthday gift from me.  He will turn 9 on April 2nd.  For many of these children, the only way they will ever celebrate a birthday is through the help of a sponsor.

Through faithful sponsorship, you can touch a childs life  and offer love, generosity, hope, and most importantly, the gift of Christ.   So consider sponsoring a child.   Make a difference in someone's life.  Below are the website addresses to both of these wonderful organizations. 

www.worldvision.org
www.compassion.com

When once upon a Time doesn't end as planned?

Most stories we tell our children  begin with "Once upon a time" and end with "and they lived happily ever after".   But why is it that our real life  story very seldom ends that way?   Its because of a little thing called "life" which seems to find a way to  get in the way of all our hopes and dreams.   Rarely do things go according to our plans.  It seems that we are always having a curve ball thrown at us.  For some, we never seem to get around to going back to school;  We don't meet the right girl/guy;  We marry the wrong person;  For others, we make a bad business decision that causes us to lose our business; we invest in the wrong stock;  We choose the wrong career path;   And this list can go on and on.  And any of these things can lead us to one day just throwing our hands up and  saying "What went wrong?  Why didn't my life turn out as I had planned?"    I think it is important for us to realize that nothing actually went wrong in our life.  We just didn't get the life we had set out for ourselves.  Our plans and our goals  didn't match up with what God had planned for us.  And that is just the way it is.  So let me ask you this: how many people have you met that have had things go as planned?  Everything was perfect just as they pictured it?   Not often, huh?  For more times than not, I hear people wish for a happier New Year only to mumble midway thru the year that they can't wait for this year to be over?   In fact an entire book was written on this subject.   Pete Wilson, Sr. pastor at my home church called Cross Point here in Nashville wrote a book appropriately titled  Plan B-What do you do When God doesn't show up the way you thought he would.  It tackles the issues of when things don't go according to your plans and I highly recommend it.  You can get it on Amazon.

So anyway, things haven't gone according to your plans?  What are you going to do about it?  Are you going to mope around and blame others for your failures or are you going to pick up the pieces and make the best of your situation?  This brings me to my next question:

 Are you a "glass is half full"  or a "glass is half empty" kind of person?  The answer to this question really sets the stage for how you live your life.  So many times we ask this question when we look at the attitude people have about their life.  In reality, I think it boils down to how we handle adversity.  It is easy to have a half full philosophy when things are going well.  But what do you do when things don't go according to your plan?  Do you complain or feel sorry for yourself when life takes a turn for the worse?   I believe a lot of this depends on how "self centered" you are.  People who focus on themselves will always want more and will complain when things don't go their way.  Alternatively, those who focus on others tend to be thankful for what they have.  Talk to someone who spends time helping the poor or the sick and you will find someone who is thankful for  their health or for a roof over their head.  

But interestingly enough, our Father wants for us more than a 'half full or half empty' glass scenario. He wants us to be a "full and running over" kind of person. "...my cup runneth over." - Psalm 23:5. We are to be a people so full of joy and love that it flows over and spills out of us.  And this is where our faith in God and our realization that we are part of a grander story begins to take place. For That which runneth over is never wasted by God. It touches the lives of all around us. This is to be our focus; not what we don't have or the career we didn't achieve or even the school our child didn't get in.  No, its about what we can give to others in His Name.  If we are faithful in reaching out to others, God will never let our glass be anything but full and running over. 

Keeping tradition in your Christmas with the Candy Cane

Many of our holiday traditions are based upon symbolism.   One of the easiest and simpliest ways to keep Jesus in Christmas is found in the candy cane.  St. Nicholas often gave candy to children and in 1670, a german choirmaster used candy as a tool to keep children's attention during worship services.  He had hard candy shaped into a shepherd's staff and explained that the white candy represented the purity of Christ.  The shepherd's staff reminded them of the sheepherders' role in the first Christmas.  Within a century, Christmas trees all over Europe and England were having white candy canes handling from them.
In the 1920s a shop in Georgia found a way to hand twist colors into the white candy canes.  This led to an Indiana candy maker adding three red stripes to his canes.  He said that the three red stripes represented the Trinity and that the red color stood for the blood of Jesus which was shed for all of mankind.  Again, the white has come to be represented as the purity and the crook still symbolizes the staff of a shepherd.  The cane turned upside down  also is a representation of the letter J, which is a reminder of the baby who gave his life for the forgiveness of our sins.  Whatever you use them for during this holiday season, teach your children the symbolism of the candy cane and make this season a teaching moment for why we are celebrating "Christ"mas.

Are you measuring success by your finances?

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I have been thinking a lot about how truly blessed I am of late.  Even though I don’t have the material things I once possessed, I am now developing something so much more important.   When I used money as the measuring stick for success, I constantly ended up disappointed.   I am convinced that most of the anxiety that I have had in my life was the tension between what I should have been and what I actually became.  My anxiety was the realization that I might not reach that certain rung on the social ladder for which I had set for myself, forsaking all others to try and get there.  Looking back on my life, one of the most destructive things I have experienced was the desire to be more than I was created to be.   It was an unwillingness to let myself remain where I was in life and to be content with who I was.  Using money as the measuring stick for my life was the single most destructive thing that I could do.  This was because no matter how much my financial situation improved or weakened, with each level, there was a perimeter formed that existed where certain things were just outside my reach, financially.  So, at the end of the day,  I would constantly feel this  sense of lack without regard to where I actually was on the economic scale of success.   

Success needs to be measured not by the financial strength of our balance sheet but by the strength of our conviction to God and to the things that truly matter in life.  For if we only judge ourselves for what we have here on earth, we will be judged for that behavior as we move to eternity.  Money is not bad.  Its what we do with it and where it falls on our list of priorities.  When it becomes the all consuming,  most important thing in our life, it is time to re-evaluate and re-align our ideas and our priorities.  For happiness is a present attitude and not a future condition.  Happiness is with us now or it isn’t.  And, an extra few bucks or a new car isn’t going to give us that happiness that burns to be deep in our soul.   That only comes from God and from prioritizing life.   
So for those of you who are measuring success by your finances, take a minute to evaluate where you are in life and how happy you would be should you lose it all.   If you would still be thankful, then you have your priorities straight.  If you would consider jumping out a window, you may need to re-evaluate.  Then, make a commitment not to look at money the same way again.  

Friends and Friendships

        
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I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about friends and friendships.  It is always through adversity that we learn what people are made of.  Friendships just make life much sweeter and enjoyable.  Recently, a 20+ year friendship ended due to a misunderstanding.  How is it that after 20+ years, someone can walk away from a friendship?  And what does that say about the strength of the relationship?  What hurt the worst  was that this person never reached out to me to discuss our differences.  Through heresay and other avenues, he made a decision to terminate the relationship.  I guess the relationship either wasn't important enough to him or he just wasn't willing to confront me with his concerns.

All relationships, whether friendship, family, or other, begin with communication.  And as the result of poor communication, people tend to not openly express their feelings and as such don't confront each other with their concerns.    Over time, these relationships can sour allowing friends to go their separate ways.  What a shame when this occurs.   So many friendships have been lost due to petty differences which could have probably been solved in under 5 minutes, had one of them only reached out. 

  

Well, this  has led me to evaluate all of my relationships including those with friends, family, church, work, etc.  It is important for me to make sure that I am being honest, open, approachable, and willing to listen.  As it says in James 1:19  "My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."  So easy to say yet hard to follow.

But, I have  developed some wonderful new friendships since moving to Nashville.   While friends do come and go, I believe I have found a few new ones that will continue to grow over the years.  So thanks Blake for being a wonderful friend and pastor,  Elizabeth for helping me grow in a difficult time as well as  being  my wine partner and close friend, to JoAnne for putting up with me as a house "room mate", and to Michael for our 20+ years of friendship.  It is never a long drive to your house in North Carolina my friend.  I have so many others including Kent in Costa Rica, Mark in Atlanta, and lots of new ones here in Nashville through Nashville Hiking Meetup, church, as well as through work.    The most important thank yous though go out to my family for without them I don't know where I would be today. 

So take the time to nurture and grow your friendships.  Make it a priority to be a part of their lives.  Ask them how they are doing and mean it.   Friendships are a blessing and a friend is the channel through whom great emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical blessings flow.  Friends can cheer us when we're sorrowful or depressed.  Friends challenge us, they motivate us, they can provide support for us when life falls apart as well as be our biggest ally when all is going great.  In so many ways, friends can enrich our lives and make us feel  important and most importantly loved.  

In 2007 I wrote a poem about friendship and sent it to the person who walked out of my life earlier this year.   I hope you enjoy it.  

 A Friend

A friend is one thing

That never tires or grows old

He is always there for you

Even when life turns grey and cold

A friend will always love you

And be there by your side

A friend will never abandon you

He will be with you for the ride

People come and people go

As they play their little games

But a true friend will stick up for you

Quick to support and slow to blame

So I will value my friends close

And never will I let them go

 I think how much they mean to me

And I will constantly tell them so

God Bless you my old friend!  May your life be healthy, wealthy, and wise.

A Picture Perfect Holiday

What a wonderful time I had this year with my family in the North Georgia mountains.  This year was the first time that all four siblings as well as our Mom had been together since 2006.  We have been through a lot as a family over the past few years.  Many of you are aware of our strife.  But this Thanksgiving was an opportunity to bridge the difficulties of the past with the possibilities of the future. And one easy and special way to celebrate this was through photographs.  I had talked for weeks about wanting a lot of pictures taken since the future is never promised to any of us.  Nobody knows when God plans to take one of us home so we must treasure the times we have together while we are here on earth.
It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words.  This is especially true when we are trying to capture memories.  In this day and age of digital cameras and camera phones, we tend to take a bunch of photos but print only a few.  Many are now being stored on hard drives and forgotten about-then eventually lost when you replace your old computer with a new one.  Hence, scrapbooks and photo albums have become a thing of the past.  How many times have you been going through an old box of stuff and come across a series of photos that takes you back in time?  And how much fun that can be to sit there and reminisce.  So this year, make an effort to not only take pictures of the family but to print them.  With new technology, you can not only print the date but you can have names and other tags printed right on the photo itself. 
A photo is a time machine that can bring back memories and recreate old emotions.  Don't miss the chance to record these events this holiday season.  Give your future generations something to gaze back on and give them a chance to reminisce long after we are gone.

Family on Thanksgiving Day 2010 Young Harris, Ga.